I have been really hesitant to write this post, not only because it is a personal subject, but because I don’t want anyone to think I’m claiming to be a marriage expert. I’m not one, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to write this. Finally, I decided that even if this post helped to strengthen just one marriage, it would be worth writing. Every marriage is different, everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and I don’t claim that this is a comprehensive list. It is a sincere attempt at dissecting why my marriage is the best thing in my life, and what it is that makes ours and other marriages successful.
Don’t keep score. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a contest either. So why are we inclined to keep a mental tally of who is ahead? If you notice yourself checking a mental scoreboard when you do something to benefit your spouse, chances are your heart is not in the right place and you probably aren’t even noticing all the things he does for you and your family.
If you enjoyed this post, check out this one: Advice for New Dads
Christine
Very beautiful post Jessica! I truly enjoyed reading it!
Thanks so much for sharing this at The DIY Dreamer.. From Dream To Reality!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Anonymous
What a beautiful post.. Thank you for sharing it and reminding me that it is possible to be in a loving, motivated and committed Christ-centered marriage. My husband and I are struggling to keep our 16 year marriage together. It is devastating to fight for it alone and watch it fall apart helplessly. I hold onto hope and pray that the Lord put us in one another's path for a reason, and He is wiser than I. For now I just focus on being strong and commend you on encouraging others to make their own realtionships the strongest they can be. Thanks for sharing the great advice and God Bless :)
Jessica
I'm so sorry. I honestly can't imagine how hard that must be to go through. Your faith is inspiring and i'm sure that one way or another you will experience a loving and Christ centered relationship again. Thank you for stopping by and commenting it means so much. Best of luck with everything!
Britnee Young
I'm a newly wed (8 months) and while we haven't had a terrible first year like everyone said happens- we have had a few bumps that made me feel really alone because I didn't know how to talk about it with my souse and didn't know who was appropriate to turn to. I knew you aren't supposed to air dirty laundry, but isn't there someone you can talk to besides your spouse?
Sarah
Britnee, that is a great question. If you don't feel like you can talk to your spouse about something, the best thing to do is go to a counselor. They can either help you figure out how to talk to your spouse about it, or just be a listening ear. Unfortunately, talking to anyone else about it usually is more hurtful to your relationship and especially to your spouse.
Kolfinna
I'm not sure I agree with the article on this one. I've turned to my mom on some occasions and it has never hurt my marriage. On the contrary, because she and I are so similar, it was a good way to get some perspective on how she would handle a situation, and she's always given me level advice. I can't speak for anyone else's parents, though. ;)
Anonymous
Most of all be kind to one another and don't stumble on something behind you.
For anyone reading this that isn't married yet, it's true what they say when someone mentions you marry your spouse's family. Love everyone as an individual, not as an extension of your spouse.
For those who divorce, never speak poorly of your ex (or anyone's ex) for as long as you live. It will only come back to bite you and if they are truly unkind, others will figure it out, you are not responsible for anyone's behavior but your own. Always take the high road and do it with grace.
Jessica
Thank you all so much for your sweet and thoughtful comments. You really have no idea how much they mean to me! Your love and support make the blog worth it. It is so cool to know that there are so many others who struggle with the same issues and work toward the same goals as I do. I love you all!
{amy k.}
came across your blog somehow and i'm so glad i did! love this post! i appreciate your personal insight, such great advice! wonderful reminders of ways to strengthen my relationship with my husband. i am so blessed, he is so amazing- but all relationships need work and i never want to let the spark die, these are great ways to make sure that doesn't happen! thanks so much! you have a new follower!
Anonymous
My husband and I have almost made the year mark, and I read this because lets face it sometimes it isn't always an easy task to agree on things or get along. In reading your post I certainly see things I should remind myself to work harder at. I am not the quickest to forgive even the smaller things and that isn't very fair. I surely suggest that he might want something when in fact I am the one with the desire rather than being direct about it. I am keeping this as a reminder to try harder and be better I simply wanted to say thank you for your thoughts/advice, I am certain they will be great reminders to myself.
Anonymous
From someone who has been married 25+ years, you give some really good advice! Thanks for the reminder that strengthening our marriage is a life long process!
Diana - FreeStyleMama
Great tips!!
Courtney
thank you thank you for this post. i found this on pinterest and am so glad i did! you have a new follower!
Suzi
Jessica, thanks for posting these thoughts. Even after 23 years we need to be reminded of these points. You are wise beyond your years.
Jenny Stewart
So good! Thanks!
B and B
This post was for me, Jess. Thank you for writing it. You and Bryce are a wonderful example.
Bethany
Beautiful post. I teared up a little bit while reading the forgiveness paragraph. I am the same way, very proud, and my husband is a lot like yours, readily forgiving. This is something I have to work hard on every day.
All of it is very wise advice, thanks for deciding to post it!
Allyson Butler
I love this post! Thank you so much for the advice.
Tan
Thank you for this incredible personal and wise advice! You may not be a so-called 'expert' but your personal experience and words ring so true.
Leigh
I am a longtime follower, never commented, but I just had to say something to this post. LOVED it! Thank you for getting a little more personal with this. As I read I saw so many different things I could be doing better in my three-year marriage...forgiveness, communication, service. Thanks for the great post!
Anonymous
I have never commented on a blog post before, but this one really spoke to me and actually brought me to tears. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years too, and the part about forgiveness really hit home. Thank you for this inspiring post.
Rachel
Adventures in Dressmaking
Wow, so many good thoughts! Absolutely, communication is the first and possibly most important thing!! Congrats on 5 years, we're at 1.5 and already have learned a lot and had a lot of challenges and opportunities. =)
eryka {from abcde}
LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Thanks for posting! :)
XO
E