I have been really hesitant to write this post, not only because it is a personal subject, but because I don’t want anyone to think I’m claiming to be a marriage expert. I’m not one, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to write this. Finally, I decided that even if this post helped to strengthen just one marriage, it would be worth writing. Every marriage is different, everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and I don’t claim that this is a comprehensive list. It is a sincere attempt at dissecting why my marriage is the best thing in my life, and what it is that makes ours and other marriages successful.
Don’t keep score. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a contest either. So why are we inclined to keep a mental tally of who is ahead? If you notice yourself checking a mental scoreboard when you do something to benefit your spouse, chances are your heart is not in the right place and you probably aren’t even noticing all the things he does for you and your family.
If you enjoyed this post, check out this one: Advice for New Dads
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i love this so much and tho i have only been married a short time, I am truly learning each and every one of these aspects and what it means to "be one" with another sinful creature like myself. This isnt something that we will ever be able to master perfectly, but Im willing to take a lifetime with my wonderful husband to keep trying to perfect these qualities and grow old with him the way God intended.
Thank you so much for writing this article. I dont think we can ever have enough enocouragement from fellow women.
Anonymous
Thank you for that! I will be getting married this summer, and I absolutely love the idea of praying together before bed! I will definitely be making that apart of our marriage. :)I know it's a great way to grow closer to God and eachother...and doing it every night will be awesome!
Anonymous
Beautiful words- Thanks!
Samantha
Thank you so much for posting this. As a single girl it is important to remember this advise for the beginning of relationships too. Start the good habits early right?!
Anonymous
My husband and I recently celebrated our 20th anniversary. I admit that I was skeptical when I read that you were giving marriage advice after a whopping 5 years. I was so WRONG. You are definitely wise beyond your years. I certainly did not have this much figured out by the time we'd been married 5 years. I love love love what you have to say. May God bless you, your husband, your son and any more children you may decide to have.
Anonymous
Thank you so much for posting this! I am coming up on a year of marriage and this has reminded me what we were told in our "prep class". It has given me ideas to make this a stronger relationship that will last for MANY years!
Anonymous
I really appreciated this post :) Thanks so much for your wisdom and bravery in sharing. This will bless my marriage
Anonymous
Jessica, you are wise beyond your years! Such a beautiful post. Today I say Thank You. It's been a couple of rough days; we are great communicators, or so I thought, we have discussed the 'opportunity', but have yet to conquer it or accept it as a reality. We have had colder rains & I know we will see a beautiful sunshine day. I have a new outlook on this 'opportunity' and with a prayer, I know the sun shall shine! Thank you!
Brianne
I just found your blog on Pinterest! I love it. This post is especially wonderful. My husband and I just got married 6 months ago. In these short 6 months, I have found the same things to be what keeps our marriage fruitful and our love strong. Thanks for sharing your insight!
Anonymous
Amen!
Jessica
Love it ! 10 years married and still learned so much from this ! Thanks for posting :))
Jessica
Love it ! 10 years married and still learned so much from this ! Thanks for posting :))
Anonymous
To me your expert, when you have gone through it and experienced it. Then that makes you expert. Loved you post. Congratulations!!!!!!!!
Amber's Crafts and Stuff
I just posted this on facebook and tagged my newly married nephew and his wife in it. I hope they take it to heart. I feel like you made some really good points.
Steph @ somewhatsimple
Well said! :) I always enjoy coming to your blog! Thanks for linking to my link party! :)
Bonny Yokeley
What a lovely reminder of some important rules we should all follow whether we've been married one year or fifty.
Anonymous
Wow, thank you so much for writing this. I needed these reminders and have been praying to God to pinpoint things I can work on to be a better wife and strengthen my partnership with my husband. So glad I stumbled accross this.
Blueyz62
I have been married for 31+ years and agree with all of this. When I get mad or aggrevated at my spouse I think of how life might be without him and ALL is forgiven. He is a great guy and only deserves the best. The best advice I can give is "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "Oh Well" is always the best way to avoid an argument.
Jessica
Great advice! Thank you so much for taking the time to share it with us :). Congrats on 31 years, you are an inspiration!
Anonymous
Beautiful post. My husband & I got together when we were teenagers & had our daughter by the time we were both 18. We are 30 now & have only been married for 5 years. We decided to wait because we knew marriage is such a huge commitment. We have been through so much together & have really grown up together. This post made me realize even more that the decision to wait was the right choice. I teared up while reading this & really appreciate you sharing a part of your life with the world. I will read this with my husband & definitely put all of your advice to his use. We may have started our lives together rather quickly but I know that it was more than worth it to learn some things the harder way
Jessica
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story! It's cool to see how every relationship is different and there isn't just one recipe or road to happiness. Thank you so much for coming by and commenting! All the best to you and yours :)
Anonymous
I like this post. I have been married just over a year (as of November) and our first year of marriage was not like I thought it would be....there were many wonderful times but we also learned that i had unrealistic expectations about what married life "feels like" emotionally. For some reason i thought we would revert back to our falling in love days where you are giddy all the time and warm hearted 100% of the time, excited, etc....when we hit reality of everyday life...and realized you cant have that feeling forever - it was hard for me to say the least. any advice?
I love your blog.
Jessica
Wouldn't it be nice if we could all be giddy and warm hearted 100% of the time! Don't worry, you are not alone in feeling like this. I think the first step is just realizing that marriage is something you have to work at. For some reason it seems like during the dating period both people are totally focused on the other person, and then once you get married people want the other person to focus on them. All I can really say is don't give up on it. Every relationship has peaks and valleys but the times when you are on top of the world are worth the struggle to get there. Even the struggles will bring you closer. Try focusing on the positive things about your relationship and work to cultivate more positive things. I am sorry I am rambling! Thank you for stopping by and for commenting! Good luck with everything :)
Anonymous
I so appreciate your wisdom, Jessica! I've been married almost 30 years and I have had to learn most of this the hard way. To the sweet newlywed above, my advice would be to be careful of the TV/movie relationship syndrome. Hollywood loves to give us perfect endings and "happily ever afters". Life is often much different than we see on the screen. Each relationship and person is unique and can be "just right for each other" in their own way. For my husband and I, we are very passionate people - we fight that way, but we love that way too. That may not be right for other people, but for us it has worked for 30 years! Don't fit yourself, your spouse or your relationship into anyone else's mold. Find joy in the journey of growing together, dump the stereotypes, and you will find that you will have great moments of deeper joy and love for your spouse than you imagined!