I have been really hesitant to write this post, not only because it is a personal subject, but because I don’t want anyone to think I’m claiming to be a marriage expert. I’m not one, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to write this. Finally, I decided that even if this post helped to strengthen just one marriage, it would be worth writing. Every marriage is different, everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and I don’t claim that this is a comprehensive list. It is a sincere attempt at dissecting why my marriage is the best thing in my life, and what it is that makes ours and other marriages successful.
Don’t keep score. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a contest either. So why are we inclined to keep a mental tally of who is ahead? If you notice yourself checking a mental scoreboard when you do something to benefit your spouse, chances are your heart is not in the right place and you probably aren’t even noticing all the things he does for you and your family.
If you enjoyed this post, check out this one: Advice for New Dads
Angel Hawkins
I am so happy I came across this, thank you so much.
Jessica @ Pretty Providence
You are so so welcome. Best of luck :)
Christy Trujillo
Hi =) I'm here from Pinterest and started crying halfway through. lol This is a great post. I'd like to know if you're still working at it. 14 years married here and it's still hard. Thank you for this.
Jessica @ Pretty Providence
Hey Christy, thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful comment. Yes, constantly working over here! It will be seven years of marriage for us next month! I think that EVERYONE in marriage has their ups and downs, but pushing through those down times with love and toleration is so worth it on the end. Bless you and yours!
Gabby
I love this post; I am engaged and getting married in less then a year; I have one question though. I recently came to God and my fiance is not a believer; do you have any advice on that topic? I really could use some.
Kristin
I really enjoyed your article, however the ads on your site are so overwhelming I wont be reading any more.
Jessica @ Pretty Providence
Awesome!! Thanks for the tip!
Miki
This is great, and for the part you don't want to talk about, keeping the flame alive...sexy stuff....like everyone else i found the book, "How to talk to your love about fantasy without words" on amazon. Great book has little scenarios and check boxes so you can communicate. Like .. Not in this life time....maybe ask me later....and let's try this. it is really PG but very fun date night and good to know we are all normal.
Q.
I will be getting married to my best friend in 2015, I pinned this post awhile ago and I just now read it. Him and I do these things in our relationship now and I plan to keep doing them into our marriage. I feel like this is great advice and I will definitely be sharing with every couple I know!
Jen
Thank you for this. We are not married and have no plans to be (I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't really feel the need for a piece of paper "validating" what we already know - and I tend to agree), but these are all things that keep our relationship alive. Well, almost all. We're not religious, but we do make it a point to spend some quality time together just about every night before bed. I do have an issue with talking to his mom about our problems. I grew up in what could be loosely understated as a broken home, so I'm not good at the relationships and trust thing. She never judges, and by the time I'm done talking I pretty much realize that I'm imagining a lot of the "problems" we're having. Seems I have a lot of work to do in that area.
Our relationship is very different in many ways from your average - we didn't even know each other when we moved in together. It's been work, but it's also been surprisingly easy. This list of things you have here, though, will definitely help me. So thank you again.
prettyprovidence
Thank you so much for your comment Jen! Every relationship is so different, so it's kinda crazy that some basic things work for everybody. I love how you said you spend time focused on eachother before bed, so special and so needed in our non stop fast paced world!
Diane Peterson
Jessica -- I AM a Marriage and Family Therapist, and just happened upon your post.... It is excellent!! Good job.
prettyprovidence
Thank you SO much! That means a lot to have your professional opinion! Made my day :)